Tuesday, June 6, 2017 0 comment(s)
dedicated to my midnight thoughts :
GROWING UP SUCKS
you know it sucks when you're growing up
when you're growing up , things changes accordingly . your friends doesn't stay by your side anymore , as we all walk in separate ways . your parents gets older and looks older , they're not in their best shape compare to few years ago . Things get more and more expensive and the society changed . 12 y/o looks like 23 y/o . ( its because I have grown this much and I cant even do my own basic makeup ) I'm terrified of contacts , thats why I've never gained enough courage to learn how to wear them .
betrayals , heartaches and everything that you need to experience comes in package when you started to grow up , and when you get to step into the society , things just couldn't get any worst .
To be honest , I just experienced a brutal heartache few months ago , I can still remember it clearly because it happens around mid February , I have this
I was depressed . I feel like I was useless because I couldn't get any scholarships at first . because I've never even wanted to try form 6 ( as you can see from my previous posts ) . and that's just semester 1 . I screwed it big , I can't afford to retake those subjects because I've wasted my time being overly obsessed with this guy . I was so stupid back then . I spend countless nights chatting with him ( because I thought he liked me back ) . So this guy went to college and I'm still at my school studying form 6 . But its okay , the ship is still sailing strong , for 1.5 years ( for goodness sake ) how stupid am I . He rejected me few times but I keep thinking that he will accept me someday .
but then , I finally had enough of all these craps .
I started to work hard for myself , focus on myself . Keeping myself occupied is the best way of forgetting him . I'm okay .
Few weeks later ,
until then I've met this another guy named teddy . ( I'm not revealing his real name , so I reveal his nickname instead )
to be honest I really really hate him at first , I don't know why . He's tall (180cm) for asians , quite tanned and has this quirky smile which irritates me a lot . The day where I actually met him was at feb 28 . We went for a morning jog and that day I don't feel so well because I had insomnia a night before . As usual , I'm so stressed out that day , because my result releases at 12pm so I need to head back to school to take my STPM result . & jogging at the park with my friends early in the morning was a good choice . at least I tend to forget about my stress once in a while .
so this teddy guy , he seems like a liar at first ( because he was once really popular ) ,
and when he started to compliment me this and that & I thought he's trying to flirt with me ( I'm not buying his tricks btw ) , so it gets irritating as time goes by , so I ended up roasting him and trying to make myself sounded bad so he could stop all these flirtations . I even did a background check of him .
For that time being I just knew him for about 6 to 7 hours and he's already being so flirty like hmm " no I like short girls especially around 153cm " or " let's video call once we get back " and " I'll drive you home today cos tomorrow we'll go to bakkutteh " and he even shaved his beard .
and I thought he's just being nice to a new friend ( me )
that time I couldn't think twice , because for a moment I think that nobody would ever looked up to me . ( I'm not pretty or rich or popular or anything , I'm just average )
But that day , he drive me home safely . and messaged me " it's raining and you better have a shower so you wouldn't catch a cold the next day "
Then I started to like him a little , as a friend .
and our feelings developed as we went to beach . ( all this while I thought he's just being friendly to me and nothing else )
and soon ...
we dated . ( don't ask me how or when did we start dating , I don't even know )
I'm sin ying . 20 . Asian . Chinese .
I love reading books , blogging , kpop , pastel colours , cute stuffs .
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