Wednesday, January 25, 2017 0 comment(s)
I'm here to post a little memory of my grandma ( nana ) , since i was unable to sleep , so i chose to blog about her instead .
My nana , was a super kind person . and i'm thankful to her for nurturing me , giving me advices , guiding me towards a good path , supporting me in every meaningful aspects , being proud of me and loves me .
To be honest , i've met so many great people in this life . and for the past 19 years , she gave me everything she can afford and i think 19 years is too short for me to spend that much time with her . I'd remembered she once told me that she wishes to see that i was being able to get into a local uni right after form 6 , but sadly she couldn't wait for that long . she passed away when i'm studying for my term 3 exam . ( right before i have my term 2 result )
I still remember , due to my grandparents' health problems and the train is unable to proceed their journey, they are unable to travel back to their hometown ( which is my hometown ) to reunite with us during chinese new year 2016. so we are having cny in separate areas and my cousins are also having their own family vacation in europe . to be honest i don't think that travelling overseas during cny is a good idea since it's an annual event for us family members to gather from different places and accompany the old ones in our family . and i'd never thought that it was the last chinese new year i've celebrate with her . it has been 2 years i didnt meet her . AND I COULDN'T MEET HER . ( there were some family problems that i wasn't being able to expose )
So it has been 2 years and of course we use wechat to videocall often but i still miss her soft skin . Her voice was still okay right until when she's having red spots all over her calves , none of us have any idea of what happened . her breath was getting weaker when she speak over the phone , i feel something is off . i convinced her to get a medical checkup and she did consume medications . but none of them work , turns out the doctor has falsely diagnosed the actual thing .
I hate the type of ignorance of my uncles ( who took care of her at johor ) who assumed that the red spots wont bring any harm to her, and when they send a photo of my grandma looking as thin as a stick to us and we were so stunned . and we rushed them to bring her to hospital , my grandma seems to refuse medication and lastly she passed away in her dreams . It makes me angry whenever i think of my ignorance uncles don't know everything matters when it comes to sickness . It was stupid .
Thursday, November 24, 2016 0 comment(s)
HELLO OLD FRIENDS !
It's kind of sad to see everyone has stopped blogging . Either they've locked their blogs or they have just abandoned it , just like me . Blogging has once been my centre stage to express my feelings ( since nobody really knows I've owned a blog teehee ) but it wasn't such a bad thing after all , since i don't really like some friends to read my blog and criticize me .
As we've grown up , we develop more to ourselves and focus more on our goals and life has been busy for us . I've overcome multiple kinds of challenges and i don't know what's my motivation to keep me going and to go through all these hardships . okay maybe it wasn't that hard after all . But keeping myself busy is a nice kind of feel to stop myself from thinking passively and have all those negative vibes surrounding me . Even though i've tried to give up on whatever i'm doing right at the moment , but thank god i didn't give up on myself . i didn't screw myself . and i'm thankful for everyone who has been such a pillar to my self esteem and always reminding me of the good days that are coming right ahead of me . and i'm trying hard to shape the future that i want .
Talking about relationship , who doesn't want a perfect boyfriend ? To be honest , for the past 19 years i didn't even have one . =.=
REASON NUMBER 1 : I've been too picky .
REASON NUMBER 2 : it's time consuming
okay so to be honest , for my high school years i've fallen for tons of guys but my crush couldn't even last for a month . So i'm quite worry about myself since i can't find one or have one but that doesn't mean i can simply find a guy to be my ehemm * coughs
But after experiencing so much by myself , i feel like it's okay to live alone , without a companion . Because my life for 19 years has been so independent on relationships unlike my friends who had experienced multiple relationship problems whilst i have none . so i'm okay ( * cries silently ) HAHAHA ! just kidding !
i wish i could find one too , someday .
OFFICIALLY GRADUATED AS A SIXTH FORMER
Monday, November 21, 2016 0 comment(s)
And so you see , i've officially graduated from high school ; to be more precised ( form 6 )
and yes , it's great to be freed from the pure grinding of my 18 months in here . I'm finally free !! *this calls for a party yall ***
To make things short , i think for me , form6 is a great experience and a qualified pre-u medium for us to experience the real syllabus of anything that we didn't get the chance to study during our high school years ( f4 and f5 ) and in form 6 you'll just realise the real shit that that you're actually gonna deal with .
In form 6 ,
YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT UNLESS YOU WORK HARD LIKE A COW FOR IT .
it's not easy at all .
you see , during our high school years and what do i mean is by f4 and f5 , the assumptions made in the syllabus are not even used up 1% in form 6 syllabus . that's how far the gap is . Plus if you did not prepare yourself 1 month before your real exam , the chance of getting a bad grade is approximately 80% . you can't even cope with everything you're dealing , you're gonna deal with anxiety , stress and the syllabus itself . And during the real exam , you only have 1.30 hr to answer all the questions including 15 questions of objective , 2 questions of structure and 2 questions of essay /: ( it actually depends on what subject you take )
At first i couldn't cope with all the changes in the new system and i have to deal with the shortage of time while i was brainstorming during the exam . it was really nerve wrecking /: i've never dealt with such thing before and this causes me to have panic disorder during the real exam and causes me to screw all of my papers and screw my cgpa pointer =.= and so i've decided to change my habit and work harder on my next sem . while i was working hard , i hope time would pass faster as i'm having a hard time cramming over books . I've break my own habit which is having a panic disorder whenever i'm inside the exam hall . these tiring routine has causing me to have sleep deprivation , pimples , eye bags , dark circles , tiring eyes . I don't have time for anything except my books .
Actually i'm still having my last paper next week , so i'm still gonna cram on every little details of my book !
Oh and there's still one more thing , you need to study every little detail in your reference book if you wanna score better result . and make sure you understand the whole thing before you enter the exam hall . We tend to ignore little details because we wanna finish it fast . but trust me , that won't work . okay so maybe you can do this kind of thing in your f4 or f5 years but not form 6 . U NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING ! during my f4 and f5 years , i seldom study , i just study the main roots and spot questions and all i do is keep on practicing on the big concepts . especially maths , if your maths is not good enough during your spm years , i suggest you not to take maths in f6 because it's going to be too tough for you to handle . SPM didn't teach you how to handle with multiple conditions when you're drawing a graph . so get over with it , you need a strong base to continue with form 6 . ( i'm not saying my base is strong , but this is just my advice )
IN CONCLUSION ,
i've enjoyed my life as a sixth former because i've gained a lot of experiences throughout the whole process , for example , solving maths in front of your classmates and explain the steps on how you obtained it ( the steps have used up the whole white board ) , so i've explained it for half an hour , at first i think it was stupid of her making us explaining maths in front of everyone plus its so embarrassing ;( besides ,you need to conduct your own working experiment without the teacher's guidance ( and my friend almost burnt down the chemistry lab haha ) , you have to make your own physics project and my group did our own capacitor , everything is fun when you look back . and i'm thankful to all the experiences i've gained throughout the process and it makes me grow so much mentally . not to mention i've come across a lot of great people during my form6 life . It's great to have them .
one of my rants
Wednesday, December 2, 2015 0 comment(s)
Guys , i feel rejoiced after having a semi break away from all this craps and shit junks of life . Life has been hard for me for the past 5 months , projects , jobs , exams , syllabus and everything . It has been tiring .
So apparently , i've been skipping school for days it's not because that i'm lazy , but in actual fact that , i'm suffering from flu , dizziness and menstrual cramp . Been dizzy for days cox weather has been undergoing drastic changes just like our currency . in fact , the haze in kel ain't that disastrous, but the fact of i'm having duty around places that contains heavy amount of smoke and CO gases are making me feeling even worst than ever .
Since it's been days for not attending classes , my chem teacher asked about my condition , in some way , she noticed that im having mental stress , and yes , I'm having one right now . I've been carrying loads of stress since after trial 2 , maybe thats the main cause of me not having the right state of mind especially when i'm carrying tasks or even if it's just a simple task . I've lost myself .
Finally sem 1 was over and I'm planning on holiday trips and i guess it wouldn't work out tho . My parents are busy with their work since they're the pillar of this family . In addition , my sis is going to attend some chinese camp around 12 dec so I HAVE NO COMPANY for this upcoming trip that i'm planning . shit . After having some serious discussions with my friends and my family members , i've come up with a conclusion of going to enjoy this trip myself . YES , ALONE ( without my sis ) . and yes , she betrayed me for going to that camp . i know I'm cruel enough to say this , and if you have any chance of reading this , and finally YES , this is for you sis .
Actually ; shit happens , anytime , anywhere . relentlessly .
so basically , i wanted to go on to a vacation so badly , I've come up with this shit ( i mean, idea ) .
I ASK MY FRIEND TO BUY ME A TICKET without informing my mum beforehand . I know this is yet the worst thing I've done to her . i mean , one of the worst things I've done but i knew that if i ever had my chance to discuss about all this vacation thingy with her , she sure says NO . So what's the point of telling her beforehand , right ? After he aid me in buying tickets online , i told my mum about it and she was outraged with my guts .
we quarreled for about 2 days , she relentlessly scold me like a crazy nuisance and i have no idea why someone could just scream at you like you're her slave or something . everything was confusing and i still have no idea why she behaved this way . But i did get her to believe me about securing my own safety once I've reached there . so , we're all good now . her emotions back to square one where it is stable .
you know , nobody likes it when someone just scold you like a crazy kink out of no where . cause you know you don't deserve to be treated like an option in that kind of way . ( if you know what i mean ) . I know you're mad but , don't treat me like a stray dog where people hit or flushes water at you without giving any reason . please be reasonable sometimes . I've got to admit that you treat me like shit , but i've still gotta respect you no matter what happens cause you're my mum , you've given me this life and you earned money to make sure we are well educated .
so in conclusion , stress changes a person's judge of view and sometimes take over one's mindset which completely changes a person's behavior in a short time . sometimes people just lose themselves , so i'm not gonna blame my mum for behaving this way , thus i hope it will NEVER EVER EVER happen again in the future .
if you guys are still wondering how am i doing lately , i'm just gonna say that ; everything is just as fine as the pictures below .
Here are some pictures i'd fancy which my friend took it for me in a hidden kind of way .
I'm sin ying . 19 . Asian . Chinese .
I love reading books , blogging , kpop , pastel colours , cute stuffs .
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