Tuesday, June 6, 2017 0 comment(s)
dedicated to my midnight thoughts :
GROWING UP SUCKS
you know it sucks when you're growing up
when you're growing up , things changes accordingly . your friends doesn't stay by your side anymore , as we all walk in separate ways . your parents gets older and looks older , they're not in their best shape compare to few years ago . Things get more and more expensive and the society changed . 12 y/o looks like 23 y/o . ( its because I have grown this much and I cant even do my own basic makeup ) I'm terrified of contacts , thats why I've never gained enough courage to learn how to wear them .
betrayals , heartaches and everything that you need to experience comes in package when you started to grow up , and when you get to step into the society , things just couldn't get any worst .
To be honest , I just experienced a brutal heartache few months ago , I can still remember it clearly because it happens around mid February , I have this
I was depressed . I feel like I was useless because I couldn't get any scholarships at first . because I've never even wanted to try form 6 ( as you can see from my previous posts ) . and that's just semester 1 . I screwed it big , I can't afford to retake those subjects because I've wasted my time being overly obsessed with this guy . I was so stupid back then . I spend countless nights chatting with him ( because I thought he liked me back ) . So this guy went to college and I'm still at my school studying form 6 . But its okay , the ship is still sailing strong , for 1.5 years ( for goodness sake ) how stupid am I . He rejected me few times but I keep thinking that he will accept me someday .
but then , I finally had enough of all these craps .
I started to work hard for myself , focus on myself . Keeping myself occupied is the best way of forgetting him . I'm okay .
Few weeks later ,
until then I've met this another guy named teddy . ( I'm not revealing his real name , so I reveal his nickname instead )
to be honest I really really hate him at first , I don't know why . He's tall (180cm) for asians , quite tanned and has this quirky smile which irritates me a lot . The day where I actually met him was at feb 28 . We went for a morning jog and that day I don't feel so well because I had insomnia a night before . As usual , I'm so stressed out that day , because my result releases at 12pm so I need to head back to school to take my STPM result . & jogging at the park with my friends early in the morning was a good choice . at least I tend to forget about my stress once in a while .
so this teddy guy , he seems like a liar at first ( because he was once really popular ) ,
and when he started to compliment me this and that & I thought he's trying to flirt with me ( I'm not buying his tricks btw ) , so it gets irritating as time goes by , so I ended up roasting him and trying to make myself sounded bad so he could stop all these flirtations . I even did a background check of him .
For that time being I just knew him for about 6 to 7 hours and he's already being so flirty like hmm " no I like short girls especially around 153cm " or " let's video call once we get back " and " I'll drive you home today cos tomorrow we'll go to bakkutteh " and he even shaved his beard .
and I thought he's just being nice to a new friend ( me )
that time I couldn't think twice , because for a moment I think that nobody would ever looked up to me . ( I'm not pretty or rich or popular or anything , I'm just average )
But that day , he drive me home safely . and messaged me " it's raining and you better have a shower so you wouldn't catch a cold the next day "
Then I started to like him a little , as a friend .
and our feelings developed as we went to beach . ( all this while I thought he's just being friendly to me and nothing else )
and soon ...
we dated . ( don't ask me how or when did we start dating , I don't even know )
Friday, May 26, 2017 0 comment(s)
to whoever that still pays a visit to my blog ,
feel free to leave me a comment or a message me
because I sure miss my fellow bloggers
one thing that I like about this website is , you can either choose to be anonymous or leave your name after you message me .
have a great day :)
Wednesday, January 25, 2017 0 comment(s)
I'm here to post a little memory of my grandma ( nana ) , since i was unable to sleep , so i chose to blog about her instead .
My nana , was a super kind person . and i'm thankful to her for nurturing me , giving me advices , guiding me towards a good path , supporting me in every meaningful aspects , being proud of me and loves me .
To be honest , i've met so many great people in this life . and for the past 19 years , she gave me everything she can afford and i think 19 years is too short for me to spend that much time with her . I'd remembered she once told me that she wishes to see that i was being able to get into a local uni right after form 6 , but sadly she couldn't wait for that long . she passed away when i'm studying for my term 3 exam . ( right before i have my term 2 result )
I still remember , due to my grandparents' health problems and the train is unable to proceed their journey, they are unable to travel back to their hometown ( which is my hometown ) to reunite with us during chinese new year 2016. so we are having cny in separate areas and my cousins are also having their own family vacation in europe . to be honest i don't think that travelling overseas during cny is a good idea since it's an annual event for us family members to gather from different places and accompany the old ones in our family . and i'd never thought that it was the last chinese new year i've celebrate with her . it has been 2 years i didnt meet her . AND I COULDN'T MEET HER . ( there were some family problems that i wasn't being able to expose )
So it has been 2 years and of course we use wechat to videocall often but i still miss her soft skin . Her voice was still okay right until when she's having red spots all over her calves , none of us have any idea of what happened . her breath was getting weaker when she speak over the phone , i feel something is off . i convinced her to get a medical checkup and she did consume medications . but none of them work , turns out the doctor has falsely diagnosed the actual thing .
I hate the type of ignorance of my uncles ( who took care of her at johor ) who assumed that the red spots wont bring any harm to her, and when they send a photo of my grandma looking as thin as a stick to us and we were so stunned . and we rushed them to bring her to hospital , my grandma seems to refuse medication and lastly she passed away in her dreams . It makes me angry whenever i think of my ignorance uncles don't know everything matters when it comes to sickness . It was stupid .
Thursday, November 24, 2016 0 comment(s)
HELLO OLD FRIENDS !
It's kind of sad to see everyone has stopped blogging . Either they've locked their blogs or they have just abandoned it , just like me . Blogging has once been my centre stage to express my feelings ( since nobody really knows I've owned a blog teehee ) but it wasn't such a bad thing after all , since i don't really like some friends to read my blog and criticize me .
As we've grown up , we develop more to ourselves and focus more on our goals and life has been busy for us . I've overcome multiple kinds of challenges and i don't know what's my motivation to keep me going and to go through all these hardships . okay maybe it wasn't that hard after all . But keeping myself busy is a nice kind of feel to stop myself from thinking passively and have all those negative vibes surrounding me . Even though i've tried to give up on whatever i'm doing right at the moment , but thank god i didn't give up on myself . i didn't screw myself . and i'm thankful for everyone who has been such a pillar to my self esteem and always reminding me of the good days that are coming right ahead of me . and i'm trying hard to shape the future that i want .
Talking about relationship , who doesn't want a perfect boyfriend ? To be honest , for the past 19 years i didn't even have one . =.=
REASON NUMBER 1 : I've been too picky .
REASON NUMBER 2 : it's time consuming
okay so to be honest , for my high school years i've fallen for tons of guys but my crush couldn't even last for a month . So i'm quite worry about myself since i can't find one or have one but that doesn't mean i can simply find a guy to be my ehemm * coughs
But after experiencing so much by myself , i feel like it's okay to live alone , without a companion . Because my life for 19 years has been so independent on relationships unlike my friends who had experienced multiple relationship problems whilst i have none . so i'm okay ( * cries silently ) HAHAHA ! just kidding !
i wish i could find one too , someday .
I'm sin ying . 20 . Asian . Chinese .
I love reading books , blogging , kpop , pastel colours , cute stuffs .
Be my follower ?